Fearfully and Wonderfully Made

Like so many others, I, as a Christian and transsexual person, have asked myself whether my transness is a blessing from, or a curse of God. Well, this is where I am:

Let's look at what David, a man after God's own heart (1 Sam 13:14), penned in Psalms 139.

Here we see David worshiping God for His awesome attributes of omniscience and omnipresence. He exclaims, "You have searched me and have known me", v1; and, "You ... are intimately acquainted with my ways", v3. Summing up, "Such knowledge is too wonderful for me", v6. He goes on to ask the question, "Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence?", v7; and sums up with, "Darkness and light are alike to You", in v12.

Then, starting in verse 13, he tells of yet another time and place where God exercised, in a very personal way, His everywhere present and all knowing power. A place and time that, for David, and for us, defines our very being - our mother's womb.

"For You formed my inward parts; You wove me in my mother's womb."

God made me. The same God who created the complex language of DNA, caused me to be, just the way He wanted me to be.

The next verses expound on this:

"I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made; wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well. My frame was not hidden from You, When it was made in secret, And skillfully wrought in the depths of the earth; Your eyes have seen my unformed substance;"

If you are all scientific and stuff, perhaps you can see Him selecting the winner of the great race which leads to conception. However He accomplishes it, He does whatsoever He wills.

Did He oversee my conception and then leave the rest to chance? No. He made me - wonderful are His works! He saw me from when I was still unformed substance, throughout the gestation period as my frame was being skillfully wrought by Him. If, as scientists speculate, there was a time when my forming brain was deprived of testosterone or flooded with estrogen, He was there, forming me to be just what He wanted me to be.

Let's go on in verse 16:

"And in Your book where all written The days that were ordained for me, when yet there was none of them."

I truly believe that my days started at conception. If you believe that the first day was when you were born, that's fine too. The key is that my heavenly Father knew me before I ever was. And there is nothing, not my birth, not me writing this, not my death, not my salvation, not even my transsexual reality that was or will be a surprise to God. What a comfort that is to me! But wait, he's not finished:

"How precious also are your thoughts to me, O God! How vast is the sum of them! If I should count them, they would outnumber the sand."

God cares about me. He is with me. He knows me. He loves me and called me to Himself. I was made good and acceptable in His sight, through the work of His Son. How can I not see myself as good and acceptable. How can I not worship and give thanks to Him, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made!